You're probably wanting to know where I've been.
1. Put up with crap for about 3 years
2. Got Dumped
3. Was beta
4. Got my shit together
5. Shit started falling into place
6. My life is now 100 times better
Near the end of 2013 I went through a life altering event that brought me to the edge of....well basically sanity.
I lost total trust, respect, and love for a person I thought I was going to spend my life with and that didn't happen. However, when one door closes, another opens, as my friends and family have said to me in those trying months.
It's funny when you are wronged so much and you put up with so much, it's like life doesn't miss a beat. It wasn't till I sat down, looked at my life to realize what exactly I have been doing for the past 3 years:
I wasn't happy
I was in constant struggle
I was losing my identity
I was this confident college student that over time in 5 years, became a complacent beta begging little boy who sole purpose was to please my girlfriend.
I was foolish and that doesn't fit who I am at all
So, soon as my relationship was over and I got my shit together. My job called the exact day I said, "It's done, move on, bigger fish to fry" and I was hired that week.
I've been keeping away from art for awhile because well, the person I was with admired some of the earlier stuff I did on here and some of the stuff you didn't see and well, it kinda hurt to do drawings, it hurt because there was no feeling behind it anymore. Not only that but I'm immersed in my engineering job, and so far it has paid off greatly and it helps me, because I'm building a future for me.
As time passed in 2014, I noticed exactly what was happening to me and my future and what I wanted. What I solely forgot what I wanted came back.
I want to make a difference and impact in my job, and the world around me.
It wouldn't have happened if I was still in a relationship.
So I kept pushing forward. Watching my weight, slimming down, bulking out via lifting, dating, working, building charisma and confidence.... and I come to realize something, something I never knew about myself that I know now.
I'm a commodity.
It hit me hard the first time it happened, it honestly it scared me a bit, but I find it ultimately exciting now. I'm approached by women, I'm head lead in my job, I'm respected when I give respect and I take command of my life and any situation in front of me
For those of you who thought I was dead, well I'm not and I don't plan to be anytime soon. Too much I missed out on.
The only regret I have is that I cannot go back and change some of the things I accepted, in all honesty, I should have ended my relationship a long time ago, but again, I was lying to myself because I had to "accept" a person the way they are.
The fuck I don't.